Battery Low

Oh, boy! I can have this. I can have it in two days. This is a battery operated corkscrew. It will tell me how many cork pulls are left from the digital read-out on the handle. It looks so good and handy. It will do many bottles of wine, at least two cases…maybe four. It is brilliant. I suppose I could wait until the improved edition comes out. How good can this get?

Maybe the next model would have a remote control. Then I could fire off a cork when I’m driving home and the wine could air a little before I get to it. I could pop off more than one at a time; aperitif, white, red, after-dinner. I could blow a hole through the shed if I commanded several bottles at once. And for neighbors who may not be expecting a drop-in visit—for them, I could uncork a bottle in their own cellar just as I ring the doorbell, saving them time and embarrassment.

Also, rather than me having to decide if I want a glass of wine—dealing with the pros, the cons, the guilt—I could just pop a cork in the middle of gardening or folding laundry or even lying in bed. Later I’d wander over... kind of come upon it. There it would stand, cork tilted, looking as if I was the one it had wanted and been waiting for all along.